Jack Johnson? Stairway? Coldplay? Yeah. Coldplay.

Curious how to keep the beat, plus receive one? Bring an uninvited guitar to invited events: birthday parties, weddings, camping trips, family get-togethers, funerals, etc. We promise, no matter the occasion, everyone will want to beat you.

Do you see trumpet players bring their trumpets? Oboe enthusiasts? How ‘bout a nice slice of tuba? Even more portable instruments like violins and flutes fail to travel as easily as a guitar. Does the guitar player sit at home stewing whether or not the host has planned enough entertainment? They don’t seem to show the same concern for the quantity of spinach dip or soda, so why the guitar?

Think back, when was the last time you opened the door to someone holding a Wii and happily proclaiming "Hey, let's bowl!" The funny part is when your six-string-slogging guest arrives they will pretend there's no guitar at all. Both of you know it’s your duty to fulfill John Denver's longing wish and say “Oh, wow, you brought your guitar... we'll cancel our plans and get you a stool and a mike.”

Now, let’s pause for a moment to draw a clear distinction:
Playing the guitar is great.

People with the ability to organize their digits in a way to produce music, and do it well should be heralded. Just like any other talent worth pursuing the guitar takes patience, time, and a willingness to develop some healthy callouses. Those of you who play, by all means, play away. If someone invites you to their house and asks you to bring your guitar, do it, you must be good, they want to hear you play. Do Freebird with a smile.

Consequently, chances are likely those who darken your door with six-string in hand are not great players; lots of chorus chords and stops accompanied by concentrated string studies. Of all the really good guitarists you know, how often have they showed up with their axe? They carry it when it has to go somewhere. Not necessarily when they have to go somewhere. Those deserving a beating will generally wear the guitar case backpack style so they can play the “Hi... whoa! How did this thing get on my back?” entrance. It’s a sad thing to watch, but as you’ll soon find out, an even worse thing to hear.