Wear these shoes

 Thin-soled men's dancing shoes have long been a quick marker for someone begging for a beating.

Thin-soled men's dancing shoes have long been a quick marker for someone begging for a beating.

Have you been feeling a little down lately? Lost the spring in your step? We have a solution. Pick up a pair of these regal slippers and soon you'll not only feel like Gene Kelly in a rainstorm (google it), but you'll feel like running as hordes of brutish types descend on your pansy little self.

Few pieces of clothing scream "Please, for the love of all that's holy, hit me." like men's dancing shoes. The soles are thin and wimpy. The shape is fairly nondescript (don't want to compete with the spandex outfit your mom made). The number of lace holes has it confused with a pair of basketball shoes (can you feel the tension?). And the heel is teeny, tiny... for your teeny, tiny foot.

Like most specialty shoes, these yell that they have a purpose. Sadly the true purpose is getting you hurt, and we're not talking from those shin splints you got trying to copy the moves from "Bringin' It To The Street, volume 4." We promise, these shoes will let everyone know you are to be trifled with and beaten. Note: The lighter the better.